Navigating Sensitive Questions and Encouraging Supportive Conversations
Many of us have faced well-meaning but sometimes insensitive questions about family and parenthood. These comments can catch Intended Parents off-guard, leaving them at a loss for how to respond honestly about their journey. Instead of staying silent or sidestepping the topic, here are some supportive and friendly ways to respond that may both educate and gently encourage deeper understanding.
Examples of Common Comments and Potential Responses
“Will you have the pitter-patter of tiny feet for Christmas next year?”
“We hope so! We’re on the lookout for a surrogate to help us get there.”
“You must save a fortune not having to buy Easter eggs for kids!”
“Well, most of our budget is going to IVF right now. But when we find a surrogate, she’ll get the treats until we can give them to our own little one!”
“At least your summer holidays are cheaper—no family of four just yet!”
“Yes, though we’re really holding out for that big Disney trip one day! We’re just waiting to find the right surrogate to help us bring a little one into our lives.”
“You must love the freedom of being able to buy any car you want!”
“True! Although we’d be thrilled to trade it in for a family car. For now, though, we’re focusing on finding a surrogate to help make that dream a reality.”
“Aren’t you lucky? You can go out whenever you want without needing a babysitter!”
“That’s true! Although I think we’d gladly trade a few nights out for the chance to be parents. We’re just focused on finding a surrogate to make that possible.”
“You must really enjoy all the peace and quiet at home!”
“We do, but sometimes it feels a little too quiet. We’re really hoping to bring some joyful noise to our lives when we find a surrogate to help us grow our family.”
“When are you finally going to start a family?”
“We’re already on that journey! We’re currently looking for a surrogate, so fingers crossed, our family will grow soon.”
“You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with dirty nappies and sleepless nights!”
“That’s true! But we’d gladly take on those sleepless nights if it meant finally having a baby of our own. We’re hoping to find a surrogate soon to help us make that dream come true.”
“No back-to-school stress for you, I bet!”
“Yes, we’re free from that right now, but we’re actually looking forward to it someday. We’re just waiting to find the right surrogate to help bring us to that stage.”
Opening the Door for Further Conversations
Sometimes, a response to your openness might surprise you with something like, “You know, I’ve actually thought about being a surrogate!” In these cases, a warm, open-ended response could help them explore their interest or curiosity further.
Consider replying with gentle questions or encouragement that plants seeds for further thought and shows your support:
- “That’s really amazing to hear. Have you thought about this idea for a while, or chatted with anyone about it?”
- “What would your family think of that idea?”
- “It’s simpler than people realise; surrogacy can be a beautiful and straightforward process.”
- “IVF might sound daunting, but it’s often a lot more manageable than people think. In some cases, it doesn’t even involve injections!”
- “The great part is, surrogacy-related expenses are covered, which helps make it accessible for many.”
- “Did you know you can still be a surrogate if you’re approaching 50? Age isn’t necessarily a barrier.”
- “People are often surprised to learn that you don’t need to go through it alone. There’s a lot of support for surrogates throughout the journey.”
You might also encourage them to connect with others who’ve been surrogates, offering reassurance or more insight. “I actually know someone who’s been a surrogate—she’d be happy to chat if you’d like to hear more about her experience.”
Depending on your relationship with the person, there may be room to ask about their past pregnancy or birth experiences, if it feels natural. These types of questions can help you gauge if surrogacy is something they’re seriously considering, or just a passing idea.
Navigating these conversations takes sensitivity, and it’s okay to keep responses light and non-pressuring. The goal is to create a comfortable space where others feel free to ask questions, learn, and potentially see a path to support Intended Parents like you.
