My changing face of Pride Month
Written by Kay Read
We are in the middle of Pride Month. A month of global recognition of the rights of LGBTQIA+ communities, the plight for freedom, for acceptance and for recognition for a large and growing part of our global population. As a Queer woman in my forties, this month and the events that happen during Pride have taken many different iterations throughout my life.
Growing up within a strictly Evangelical and homophobic faith based setting I used to see snippets of Pride protests and celebrations on television, briefly followed by a short sermon from my parents on how sad it was that more and more people seemed to be falling short of the glory of God. My early memories of Pride are of shame, of disgust even, as a child who fully embraced the faith I was born into, I prayed for the Gays, I prayed they would find Jesus and I prayed that their sins would be forgiven.
Realising that I was bisexual (now preferring to use Queer) in my early teenage years was not a celebratory moment for me. It was a hidden shame. One that I carried well into my adult years. One that in all honesty has never been spoken about in a concrete way with my parents or extended family. I am 42, a mother to two biological children, an activist and doula who works to support modern family building and reproductive justice, and Pride Month has taken as many colours for me as the iconic rainbow we don in its recognition.
I have joined various romantic partners as we paraded in full spectrum fancy dress, cheered and shouted, held the placards, been to the celebratory parties, I have walked Pride routes with my children and last year I walked the London Pride route with my male fiancé, my ex-girlfriend and my gay best friend to promote The Modern Family Show event.
“In short- I have shown up in all my colours to both celebrate and further the groundbreaking work established by the originating Stonewall protests of the 60’s”
Pride has been a month for me where I have felt allowed, sometimes with reckless abandon for the shame, dancing boldly through the streets and sometimes angered and motivated by the continued discrimination and stigmatisation that is still prevalent in so many parts of society.
As somebody who is attracted to humans, with no preference or desire for the gender of my dating and marital decisions to be based on my partner being male, female, non-binary, trans or any other gender identity, but rather to be a good human who I laugh with and love in equal measure – I find Pride month to be a welcoming home for us all. A moment we can reflect on progress, celebrate and to continue the work of changing the landscape for the LGBTQIA+ communities of the future.
I raise my children in a very different world to the one I grew up in and they are both extremely aware of their rights, identity choices and the stigma that these identities might be associated with. My 12 year old daughter is, as I am sure most people her age are, utterly preoccupied with working out who she is attracted to, how she wants to show up to the world and how to call out the behaviour of people within her own circle who go against the values she has grown up to respect and uphold in relation to sexual orientation, gender identity and the privacy that should be afforded to both. We talk very openly in our family about all topics related to bodies, romance, family building and reproductive health. My children work out their trickier questions with me in our family created ‘Sex Quiz’ which is often played whilst on the school journey home and is a space for the kids to ask me any question they might want answering in relation to the topic, and for me to check in with their perspectives on how these conversations are happening in their peer groups. I think they enjoy it, having a space free of shame to ask me about the trickier stuff they are navigating.
Last year I was on a surrogacy journey as a surrogate for a hetero couple who had experienced extreme challenges with their own fertility. After 5 rounds of IVF and 3 unsuccessful embryo transfers, we came to the end of time working together and they are now on a journey to becoming parents through our Mexico City programme. The decision around what next for me on my own journey as a surrogate remains open.
I think my whole family is aware that there is an inch unscratched, that reproductive justice- defined as ‘the right to have a child, the right not to have a child and the right to raise your children’ is part of my life mission and that I will continue to commit to finding ways for families to form in the way that best suits the parent or parents at the heart of the journey.
Perhaps my struggles in earlier life, shrouded by the shame of who I am and who I am attracted to inform this life vision, perhaps it is the pain that I experienced at the hands of people who abused my innocence and left me figuring out in my 20’s and 30’s how to step fully into who I am. Perhaps it’s that my family are the centre of my universe and the idea that anybody would be denied the right to have a family because of their sexual orientation or gender identity hurts my soul- whatever is at the heart of my – lets call it ‘calling’ within the reproductive health space, Pride Month is a month of the year in which wherever I look there is an increased allowing of my people- and that-however you choose to celebrate or mark the month, is enough of a reason for me for us all to continue to fight for the rights of modern families and the LGBTQAI+ communities in and amongst us all.
