Motherhood- Is it Nature or Nurture?
Welcome to the third and final part of our three part blog series on the topic of ‘When does a mother truly become a mother?’ Written and created by our Head of Ethics- Kay Read, this blog series was written in response to a long standing debate and the concepts shared by Kay are very much at the heart of our perspective at My Surrogacy Journey. In this final piece we explore whether Motherhood is informed by nature or developed through nurturing.
Motherhood- Nature V’s Nurture
The age-old debate of nature versus nurture takes on profound significance when we consider the question: When does a mother truly become a mother? Is it the biological act of conception and gestation, or the nurturing care provided after birth that defines motherhood?
Biologically, the journey into motherhood can begin with conception, leading to a cascade of hormonal changes that prepare a woman’s body for pregnancy and childbirth. These physiological processes are foundational, setting the stage for the maternal role, where intended (1). However, the essence of motherhood certainly extends beyond biology.
The concept of “matrescence” describes the physical, psychological, and social transformation women undergo when they become mothers, a phenomenon largely unknown and unaddressed in society. Zoe Blaskey, founder of the “Motherkind” podcast, emphasises the importance of acknowledging and understanding matrescence, advocating for its integration into education and public policy to better support mothers (2).
On the other hand, the nurture perspective emphasises the role of caregiving and environmental factors in defining motherhood. Judith Rich Harris, in her seminal work The Nurture Assumption, challenges the traditional belief that parents are the primary influencers of a child’s development, suggesting that peer groups and external environments play a more significant role (3).
In reality, motherhood is a dynamic interplay of both nature and nurture. The biological aspects provide the foundation, but the nurturing actions, emotional bonds, and caregiving practices shape the ongoing experience of being a mother. Research shows that maternal-infant bonding post-birth plays a crucial role in emotional regulation, attachment security, and long-term psychological resilience, reinforcing that nurturing relationships are just as essential as gestation (4).
Understanding this balance is crucial, as it acknowledges that while biological connections can initiate motherhood, where motherhood is the intention, the nurturing relationships and environments cultivated post-birth are equally vital in defining what it means to be a mother.
The question of when a mother becomes a mother cannot be answered by looking solely at nature or nurture. It is the intricate weaving of both—biological beginnings, which in the case of surrogacy are entrusted to the gestational carrier, and the nurturing continuance, which begins at birth with the intended parents—that truly defines the journey of motherhood. A surrogate’s role is fulfilled the moment the child enters the world, as the transition of care from gestation to parenthood is not just biological, but intentional and pre-determined.
The Maternal-Foetal Bond and the Role of Surrogacy- Conclusion
Reflecting on the reporter’s comment— “I just don’t know where I stand on the maternal-foetal bond. I want to believe it doesn’t matter, but something tells me it does”—it becomes clear that this question sits at the heart of much of the debate around surrogacy.
Yes, the maternal-foetal bond is real and significant, playing a role in physiological and emotional preparation for parenthood. However, in surrogacy, this bond exists within a different framework—one where the gestational carrier nurtures the pregnancy for the sole purpose of ensuring a healthy birth, not as a precursor to lifelong motherhood. Research demonstrates that surrogates experience a different kind of attachment to the foetus, one that does not mirror traditional maternal bonding but instead aligns with their conscious, pre-determined role as a temporary caregiver (5, 6).
The strongest predictor of a child’s emotional and psychological well-being is not gestational connection, but the quality of postnatal caregiving. Studies on early childhood development emphasise that it is the responsive, consistent, and loving care of primary caregivers—those who raise the child—that shapes long-term emotional security and psychological resilience (7,8,9).
Thus, the maternal role does not begin at conception or even birth—it begins with the assumption of care. In surrogacy, the surrogate’s role naturally concludes at birth, as the intended parents step into their role as primary caregivers, embodying the nurturing continuance that ultimately defines parenthood (10).
The complexity of the maternal-foetal bond does not undermine the ethics or emotional validity of surrogacy. Instead, it highlights why surrogacy works—because it is rooted in choice, consent, and the clear delineation of roles. Parenthood is not solely biological; it is an intentional, ongoing act of care, commitment, and love.
It is a shame that the opportunity for these opinions to be shared by a surrogate in a debate on surrogacy were axed from a public debate- but as I said earlier on, I have become used to the backlash, used to the silencing and ultimately none of that noise deters me from my role in ensuring that my phenomenal intended parents (neither of whom will be a mother as they are a same sex male couple- but that is a whole other article) get the best chance of achieving their journey to parenthood.
We hope you have enjoyed the series of blogs on this topic. It is incredibly important to us that our members, stakeholders and audiences get valuable education, insight and opinions on surrogacy and we look forward to hearing your thoughts on the blog series and hope you will join us again for future series that tackle equally challenging topics. Please use the references provided to support further reading on the topic discussed.
References
1. Weinstock, M. (2010). The Long-Term Behavioral Consequences of Prenatal Stress: Can They Be Prevented? Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews.
Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2872196
2. Georgieff, M. K. (2013). Nutrition and the Developing Brain: Nutrient Priorities and Measurement. Frontiers in Neuroscience.
Retrieved from https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnins.2013.00120/full
3. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). (2020). Early Childhood Development and Caregiver Influence.
Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551487
4. UNICEF. (2022). Strengthening Care for Families’ Mental Health: Preventing Adverse Childhood Experiences.
Retrieved from https://www.unicef.org/blog/strengthening-care-families-mental-health
5. Jadva, V., Murray, C., Lycett, E., MacCallum, F., & Golombok, S. (2003). Surrogacy: The experiences of surrogate mothers. Human Reproduction, 18(10), 2196–2204.
Retrieved from https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/18/10/2196/635870
6. Van den Akker, O. (2007). Psychosocial aspects of surrogate motherhood. Human Reproduction Update, 13(1), 53–62.
Retrieved from https://academic.oup.com/humupd/article/13/1/53/749903
7. Meaney, M. J. (2010). Epigenetics and the Biological Definition of Gene × Environment Interactions. Child Development, 81(1), 41–79.
Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4783284
8. Swain, J. E., et al. (2007). Maternal Brain Response to Infant Crying and the Effects of Early Caregiving Experiences. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 48(11), 1005–1013.
Retrieved from https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/j.1469-7610.2007.01777.x
9. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Parents and Caregivers: Partners in Children’s Healthy Development.
Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/families/parents-caregivers-kids-healthy-development
10. National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI). (2020). Early Childhood Development and Caregiver Influence.
Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551487
