How I Met My…Intended Parents
By Hayley Aldis , Surrogate Co-ordinator at My Surrogacy Journey
Let’s rewind to maybe 2003. Possibly even 2002. I was 21 years old which made my sister Sophie 18/19. She, as many do during college and university years, started work at a local pub. On her shift was a lady called Amy. They developed friendship, fuelled by work, hectic social lives and I’m sure a drop or two of alcohol. I knew of Amy, met her a few times socially but we moved in different circles.
In 2007ish, I was working for a field marketing company, and had a vacancy on my team. I can’t even remember how it came about, but Amy applied for the role and we worked together until I left the company in 2009. Again, we lost touch. I was, by this point married with child (soon to be children) and had moved away from the Portsmouth area.
I’d kept in touch with Amy, but almost by proxy of my sister, hearing about her love life (she was now in a relationship with Jon, whom she’d known since school) and family happenings. She was still living in Portsmouth and was working at our local NHS treatment centre.
Fast forward to 2016. I was now divorced, living back in Portsmouth with my two young daughters (aged 6 & 4 at the time). Sophie messaged a very random question. The conversation – and I still have the WhatsApp screengrab as proof – went like something like this…
Sophie: Want to be a surrogate?
Me: Why do you ask?
Sophie: Amy is currently looking to sign up to surrogacy organisations as she’s been diagnosed with a condition that means she shouldn’t carry a baby herself. All the organisation’s waiting lists are closed though.
Me: OK – let’s look into it.
I paraphrase, but the time between the very basic explanation and me saying ‘OK’ was 7 minutes. From the explanation I’d just heard, I obviously felt for her situation. But the thing that made me say yes, wasn’t just a selflessness and a want to help; selfishly my interest was piqued by the fact I might get to enjoy that labour and birth experience again.
From there, we met up. Initially at Sophie’s house, to just reconnect and for Amy and Jon to see that I was considering it, but of course there were things to consider.
I didn’t know whether my health would be good enough, having been diagnosed hypertensive following the births of my own children
I didn’t know anything about the medical implications – would I have to go through IVF? What does that actually mean?
What were the legalities around surrogacy?
What would the impact on my family be?
What if my health and own fertility were affected?
The beauty of this natural, ‘known’ relationship was that to an extent, we could find things out together – we had clinical appointments and scans, we consulted a lawyer and I had a separate consultation too, we had Sophie (by chance, a midwife!) to support us with some of the unknowns on that front, and over time, it became a very easy learning experience.
Our first embryo transfer failed, but our second resulted in pregnancy. I gave birth to Betsy – a very healthy 5kg (11lb) on 17th February 2018.
My relationship with Amy, Jon and Betsy nowadays has reverted to much the same as it was pre-surrogacy. We are in touch, but often by proxy. I hear updates and care deeply about their happiness and well-being, and nothing makes me prouder than hearing about Betsy’s progress at school – save for my own children of course!
Exploring the possibility of becoming a surrogate within an existing relationship brought a unique kind of reassurance to the journey. Our connection provided a foundation of trust, making the challenges easier to face and the experience richer. It’s a testament to the power of relationships—that sometimes, the people we’ve crossed paths with in life may unexpectedly become part of an extraordinary journey. In this case, Amy and Jon weren’t just intended parents; they were familiar faces, rooted in my past, with whom I was able to share a life-changing chapter.
