Fostering open and honest conversations
Fostering open and honest conversations can not only help you as Intended Parents feel more at ease but can also educate and inspire others to be more understanding and empathetic. Here, we share some hints and tips for IPs on navigating these conversations in a way that feels empowering and authentic.
1. Share Your “Why” When You Feel Comfortable
Sharing a little about why you’re pursuing surrogacy can be a powerful way to connect with others and invite empathy. Many people may not understand why Intended Parents go down this route, and hearing a bit about your reasons can make it more relatable.
- Example Response: “For us, surrogacy felt like the best path. We really want a family but can’t carry a pregnancy ourselves, so this gives us hope. It’s been a long journey, but we’re so grateful this option exists.”
Opening up in this way can help friends or family understand the challenges, sacrifices, and hope that are part of your experience.
2. Use Analogies to Explain Complex Processes
Surrogacy and fertility treatments are complex and often difficult to explain. Using analogies can make these topics easier to grasp and help others understand why certain things take time, cost money, or require such dedication.
- IVF Analogy: “IVF is like planting seeds in a garden. You can do everything right, give it sunlight and water, but sometimes it still doesn’t take. That’s why we’ve gone through a few rounds—it’s a process of hope and patience.”
This can help others see these steps as hopeful investments rather than just technical procedures.
3. Let People Know What’s Most Helpful
Some people genuinely don’t know how to support you and may unintentionally ask intrusive questions. When someone asks something that feels a bit too personal, gently redirecting them can be a helpful way to communicate what really does help.
- Example Response: “Thank you for asking! It’s a bit personal, but what really helps is just having people around us who listen and understand. That support makes all the difference.”
This sets a respectful boundary while guiding them towards a more supportive approach.
4. Acknowledge That It’s Okay to Not Have All the Answers
Sometimes people may press for details you simply don’t have yet. Letting them know that surrogacy is a journey full of unknowns can make any awkwardness around uncertainty feel more normal.
- Example Response: “We’re still figuring some of this out ourselves! Surrogacy is quite a unique journey, and each step brings new questions and answers.”
This gently reminds others that surrogacy isn’t always straightforward and that you’re on a path that’s just as much about discovery as it is about planning.
5. Focus on the Positive Vision for the Future
If conversations start to feel too heavy, it can help to reframe things by focusing on the hopeful aspects of your journey. This doesn’t mean ignoring difficult emotions, but sometimes a more positive outlook can guide the conversation back to hope.
- Example Response: “It’s been quite a journey, but we’re so excited for the day we can hold our baby. All the ups and downs will be worth it in the end!”
This response shows your resilience and optimism, and it gives others a chance to celebrate your hope with you.
6. Invite Questions but Set Boundaries
Encouraging people to ask thoughtful questions can be a good way to educate them, but it’s also completely fine to draw boundaries on what you’re comfortable sharing. Striking this balance can make the conversation informative without feeling too intrusive.
- Example Statement: “We’re open to questions if you’re curious, but there are some aspects we prefer to keep private. We’re happy to share the parts that feel right for us.”
This encourages open dialogue but clearly signals that not everything needs to be discussed.
7. Use Humour to Lighten the Mood When Appropriate
Sometimes a bit of humour can help to defuse awkward or uncomfortable questions, especially with people who may not realise the impact of their words. If it feels appropriate, light-hearted humour can encourage them to see things from a different angle.
- Example Response: “We’re spending so much on IVF that I think we’re single-handedly keeping the fertility clinic going! But it’ll all be worth it if it helps us reach our goal.”
Humour can create a moment of connection while still conveying that the process is challenging and requires commitment.
8. Empathise With Others’ Curiosity and Educate Gently
Most people don’t really understand surrogacy or IVF, so approaching these conversations with a bit of empathy and patience can help, even when their questions feel a bit uninformed. Rather than expecting them to “just get it,” see each conversation as a chance to help them understand a bit more.
- Example Response: “I know surrogacy can sound quite complicated, but it’s actually a beautiful way for us to become parents. It’s a deeply personal choice, and we really appreciate you being open to learning about it.”
This response is both informative and encourages others to understand things from your perspective.
9. Share Small Wins to Keep Loved Ones in the Loop
Many people genuinely care about your journey but may not know the best way to follow along. If it feels right, consider sharing small updates or milestones to help friends and family feel connected to your experience.
- Example Update: “We recently matched with a potential surrogate, and we’re cautiously optimistic. It’s one step closer, and we’re grateful to everyone who’s supported us so far!”
Sharing little victories like this can also allow others to feel they’re part of your journey, without overwhelming them (or yourself) with all the details.
10. Remind People That Every Journey Is Unique
Some may know someone else who’s gone through surrogacy and might assume that all journeys are similar. Gently reminding them that each story is unique can help them avoid comparisons and assumptions.
- Example Response: “Surrogacy can look different for everyone; there’s no one right way to do it. Our journey has its own special challenges and joys, and we’re taking it one step at a time.”
This reminds others that your experience is uniquely yours.
By opening up when it feels comfortable, IPs can help others gain a better understanding of the journey, often encouraging empathy and support in return. Embracing these conversations with honesty and openness, while setting respectful boundaries, can make them easier to navigate—and may even strengthen connections with those around you.
