A Reflection on Resilience in Surrogacy
By Hayley Aldis, Surrogate Co-ordinatoor.
Surrogacy is full of big feelings — excitement, love, nerves… hope. We all go in with good intentions and a belief that things will go smoothly. And sometimes they do.
But not always.
Sometimes, even when you do everything “right,” the journey still takes a turn you weren’t expecting. Plans unravel. Communication breaks down. Emotions run high. You’re left holding a whole lot of feeling — some of it not even yours — trying to make sense of what just happened.
It’s hard to talk about these moments. They don’t fit neatly into a happy ending. But they’re real, and they matter.
I wrote this piece after a conversation with a surrogate whose journey hadn’t gone as she’d hoped — and in truth, it was a conversation that echoed others I’ve had over the years. Whilst not to tell anyone’s story, I do honour the feelings that can surface when things don’t go to plan. If you’ve ever found yourself in a tough spot during your journey — whether you’re a surrogate, intended parent, or part of the wider support circle — I hope this gives you a little space to feel seen.
When Things Don’t Go to Plan
It’s not always a smooth road.
Not every plan stays loyal.
Not every heart feels held.
You can do everything right
and still feel like the ground gave way.
No one tells you how heavy silence can be
when it follows hope.
There are days
you sit with a cup of tea gone cold,
trying to untangle
grace from grief.
Trying not to blame.
Trying not to break.
Support can feel like a lighthouse
or a flickering bulb.
Sometimes it’s the wrong words
at the wrong time
from the right people.
And still—
you held space.
You asked the hard questions.
You stood up when lying down felt easier.
You kept going.
This isn’t a story about failure.
It’s about showing up,
even when the map tears in your hands.
It’s about finding your footing
in a story that didn’t end
the way you wrote it.
It’s about the grit that doesn’t glitter—
quiet, determined, uncelebrated.
But still…
yours.
This is a story about showing up,
even when the grief arrives uninvited,
and grace takes its time.
Still, you stay.
If you’re reading this and it’s landing a little close to home — please know there’s support out there. My Surrogacy Journey offers some brilliant resources for when things feel tricky or uncertain. Their support team are kind, knowledgeable, and human — and they understand that not every journey goes by the book.
And if you’re someone who’s been there — quietly holding it together while everything felt a bit wobbly — I just want to say: you’re not alone, and you’re doing better than you think.
